Joy in Pain

After my last post, I received many emails wondering what was going on. Since this is pretty much Hampton's baby book and our family journal, I figured I would make an official post. This is not to seek your sympathy, but to help our family remember.

Last Wednesday, Ben and I went to my doctor for what was supposed to be a really exciting and joyful appointment. We had known for just over 4 weeks that we were expecting our second child in early November. We waited to go to the obgyn until I was over 8 weeks pregnant because I wanted to make sure we were able to have a good sonogram.


I have always been nervous about having a miscarriage because I know so many women who have, but at the same time I never thought it would happen to me. As we were waiting to see the doctor, I told Ben that I was nervous that they were going to tell me that I wasn't pregnant anymore. He, in his unwavering optimism reassured me that everything was going to be fine and healthy. Our conversation then turned to how we were going to tell our family and what we would name the baby if it were a boy (We think we have a girl name, but probably won't tell you if you ask :)).


As soon as the sonogram picture came on the screen, I knew that my suspicions were truth. Ben said I teared up almost immediately. My doctor explained to me where the pregnancy sack was and where the baby grows and develops. I said to him, "But, there isn't a baby there." He was quiet for a few seconds and then explained that an inevitable miscarriage had occurred probably caused by a chromosomal abnormality. He then turned off the screen and stepped out of the room. He said I was trying to put on strength and that I needed to cry because my baby deserved my tears. Those tears have flowed freely and abundantly since.


When Dr. H returned, he informed us that 15% of pregnancies result in miscarriage and that because 1 had occurred that did not mean that I was more susceptible in the future. More importantly, he encouraged us that we were not alone in this, that God was crying with us and He had not left us in our pain, but knows all too well the pain of losing a child.


We left the doctor's office desperately needing hugs from Hampton. He has been a little ray of hope and strong reminder of the joy in our lives despite the pain of our circumstance.


Thankfully, I was able to have a DandC the next day. The procedure and physical recovery was a breeze. I joked with my mom the next day that the only pain I had was where my finger was sore from the prick to test my blood. The emotional recovery is a process that we are both working through. Although we are sad and I often get teary, we are both feeling an overwhelming sense of peace. We lost our baby, but are somehow confident that Jesus is still in control and will have the best for us.


We have been surrounded with faithful family (Drew left work immediately to come to our house and Jonathan came over as soon as he could - Ash had to keep the kids, but sent goodies) and gracious friends. Caren took Hampton to playgroup on Thursday during the DandC...Stacy brought us dinner...Trisha took H to breakfast so I could sleep in on Friday (Ben had to go to Austin Friday morning)...Jamie and Caleb had Hampton over to play Friday afternoon. Many called, more offered to help and even more lifted us up in prayer.


Friday night, some of my closest friends and I went to Canton for the weekend. We planned the trip months ago not knowing how important it would be to me. I am so thankful for these girls! I love them all for many different reasons and through this trial, they have shown their love for me and my family. I wouldn't trade their friendship for anything.



Although my weekend was a great escape from the reality at home, I was very ready to be with Ben and Hampton. I needed some hugs and was excited to show them my "treasures."

This is what I came home to...

Watching "Daddy mow-een" through the fence

Playing football with Cameron (our neighbor)

Playing keep-away from Cameron

Admiring Haley's crocs

Lying on the nap mat I got him in Canton

Coloring at the desk that Emerson, Sadie and Campbell gave him

We are thankful that even in the midst of such pain we are able to find joy in Christ!

"Hold unswervingly to the hope you profess, for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23